Surrender To Remember

I look on the picture of me and think- How could I ever doubt this precious angel? Yet, I do. I do all the time & I have my whole life. I have had many moments of having my own back but, for some reason, it’s always easier to believe the shit- ya know?

I’m 50 years old, as I’m writing this, and I’m over it. I’m over it all. The ‘not enoughness’ the lack of self trust, the wondering who I’d be if….

It’s all so damn exhausting! It’s been a loop playing in my mind my whole life. I finally asked myself one day- what’s it going to take to stop this. To love me, no matter what?

An awareness came & it was very subtle. Surrender. Surrender to yourself, surrender to the trying, the efforting, the fantasizing, the constant informing/educating/learning/looking for an answer- Just surrender and allow yourself to be who you are, exactly as you are, just as you’ve been, and how you will be. Just surrender.

Surrender to the awareness that it’s the constant searching that keeps you in the loop Andrea. The constant seeking. If I just learn this modality, or if I do this class, go to this retreat, get this degree, start that job, look this way….

Blah, blah, blah…

It all keeps me from me. That’s why being present and then using distraction to entertain me has been the block. Be present. Surrender to who I am, how I am, when I am, and why I am. Just surrender to it all. Love it all. Be grateful for it all! That is it. Surrender.